Blue's Clues Communication

My wife and I were given the opportunity to watch our grandson (21 months old) for a week while my daughter and her husband went off to Europe.  We still have thousands (ok, double digits) of kids videos that our five children loved throughout the years.  After four or five days of watching the grandson, the Blue’s Clues song was securely stuck in my head.  I found myself singing it even in the shower.  To make it like it wasn't such a bad thing, I started to think of what Blue's Clues actually teaches us.  Then it hit me:  Did you know that Blue’s Clues is actually a communication/teaching tool?  As my pondering grew, I’ve come up with a Gottman flow to the idea and I think others will understand!  Facts, given throughout the shows:  Blue and Steve have a good relationship.  Steve wants to understand Blue.  They play this game every day.  The process starts with Steve asking Blue what they should do today.  Blue then tries to communicate her desire through “clues”, not one, or two, but three clues.  Steve takes major league interest in these clues and even writes them down in his handy, dandy notebook.  Blue leaves the clues around the house.  However, she doesn’t just leave the clues, during their process, Blue is always involved.  Blue and Steve have others involved too, to help Steve out because, to tell the truth, he just isn’t too intuitive.  After Steve has all the three clues, he sits down in his “thinking chair” and thinks, thinks, thinks.  “Because when you use your mind, and take a step at a time, you can do anything, that you want to do!”  Steve then, with the help of others, picks apart the clues and comes to an understanding of what Blue wants.  As he announces his interpretation of what Blue wants to do, Blue gets very excited that Steve understands her and both of them rejoice and they proceed with their day!  The show is not centered around doing what Blue wanted to do, but the process and communication that Steve and Blue have and how Steve is able to (every time) come up with the correct scenario for the day. 

So … what can we as couple's learn from this example: 
You have a desire to be with your partner. 
You have a good attitude. 
You play games together. 
You pay attention to “clues” your partner is giving you. 
You ask good questions. 
You wait to figure out what is desired or what is going on until you have all the information. 
You can invite others to help you understand (an advertisement for going to therapy when needed!) 
The focus is on the relationship. 
Even though you come from different backgrounds - you can still communicate and get along well!
Communication can be fun!

Favorite Scripture

The bishop of our ward has asked us to think about our favorite scripture and provide the ward with the scripture and an explanation of why it's our favorite. I have many favorites, so it's been hard to give just one, so I thought I'd blog about some I like and then decide which to give the ward. So, here is the first of hopefully many:

1. Malachi 4:5 & 6 - Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

Ever since I was a child, my Puerto Rican heritage has enthralled me. I loved visiting that side of the family, either in New York or in PR itself. I especially loved visiting my uncles and hearing the stories of the past. When the missionaries started to teach my family in 1979, I was listening more because my parents asked me to than to really know it was true. I had a turning point during one lesson, when the elder taught about baptisms for the dead and I had a burning desire to go to the temple and be baptised for my uncle Manny, who had died in 1976. Uncle Manny was the story teller king and one of the first people that I had known that had passed away. Even though it had been three years since he had died, I wanted to help him. I have since wondered about that, because I wasn't even sure the church was true yet, but I really wanted to do his work.

Fast forwarding another 15 years or so, I joined the church and had done many wonderful things in my life. My 18 year old cousin from Puerto Rico had visited for the summer, and I was given the opportunity to take him back and spend the week with family. Although I hadn't done much genealogy (I did do my uncle's work, which was very special), that same desire was still there. We had been told that the town where my father was born had a big fire and all the records were destroyed.

During my trip, I started by interviewing my 92 year old grandmother. She told me the story about my grandfather's birth. My grandfather, Ramon Alvarez, was born in 1896. His mother died in child birth. His father was distraught. A little while after the death, a woman, whose profession was to pray over the dead, came to do the prayers. While she was there, she saw the hammock move and asked what was there. The father stated that it was the "creature" that killed his wife. The woman asked what he was going to do with the baby. He didn't know, and she asked to take the baby. The father allowed her to take the baby, and she raised it as her own. My grandmother had never met her father-in-law.

This story intrigued me and I went to the small town of Cabo Rojo to try and find out more. The town records may have been destroyed, but the Catholic records were still available. Thanks to another of my great uncles (Uncle Sixto), I was given permission from the Catholic Bishopric to look at the records. When I was finally given an opportunity to look at the records, I searched for hours in vain, not finding anything. I prayed for an opportunity to find something before I would have to go back to Virginia. I paused and received an inspiration to find my grandfather's record. In Ramon Alvarez' baptismal record, I found the names of my great grandparents, Josepha Rodriquez and Desiderio Alvarez. The 1862 index gave me the baptismal information for Desiderio Alvarez. I found and opened the book indicated. On the page mentioned in the index, I read the information that turned my heart to my great grandfather. Desiderio Alvarez was born exactly 100 years to the day I was born. The man who was so distraught over the death of his beloved wife was born on my birthday. If there was anyone in this life that could understand his life, his suffering, his thoughts and his actions and could actually want to help him receive a fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, it was his great grandson. I felt an incredible connection with this man. I could envision that he was taught by a great missionary in spirit prison, knew now what was right, and had actually reconciled with his son, my grandfather, who had suffered much during his life and died some six years before I was born. If there really is a connection between those that have died and those yet to come, I can see how I was there watching all of this happen and promising these great men that I would find the truth and do the work that they could not. I'm sure that there had to be a plan made that assured that this would happen by having me also born 100 years to the day of Desiderio Alvarez.

What makes this story even more intriguing is the fact that my father, Ramon Antonio Alvarez, only had a passing relationship with his father. He doesn't have a memory of him being around and was even shocked to find out that he did indeed go to New York with the family. My grandmother and grandfather lived separated and one of my cousins (Pecky Alvarez, son of Manny) knows more of my grandfather than my own father. Now, my father has continued the work that I started and has over 18,000 names of family members from that small town of Cabo Rojo, Puerto Rico. By turning my heart to my grand and great grandfather, my father's heart was then turned and much work has been accomplished.

List of Possible Reasons Why I Had a Seizure

Ok, so I went to Puerto Rico with my father, brother and his daughter (or my niece). We had a wonderful time, as I drove them all over the island and showed them all a good time. On the flight home, with five minutes to landing, I had a seizure which has changed my whole life (I'll have to blog about that later). I stayed four days in the hospital, three in ICU (like I said, I'll blog about that later). Since then, I've been to a neurologist, done a sleep study, gone to another *ologist (endo, I think), and had blood drawn, and all the doctors have told me, two months after the seizure is, "huh, ... you seem pretty healthy ... don't know why this has happened." So ... I thought I'd write a list of potential reasons:

1. I am being punished for going on vacation without my wife. This one actually works with my current injury too (my foot was infected with a foreign object and had to be cut open ... I've been hobbling around for over three weeks - another blog me thinks) - the infection probably came during another vacation (Myrtle Beach week) that I took without my wife. People have told me that she has powers. Although this one probably backfired on her because in the state of Virginia, you cannot drive for six months after a seizure. So, until the 18th of March, my wife is my main transporter!

2. I should never be squashed on an airplane. I got my dad the aisle seat and I took the window. Unfortunately, the guy in the middle was large and I, having touching issues (another blog?), felt cramped the whole flight. I should have/could have had my father switch with him and felt more comfortable, but no ... I had to bite the bullet and suffer through it. I remember, with five minutes before landing closing my eyes ... thinking, "thank goodness, it's almost over!" Next thing I know, I'm in the hospital.

3 & 4. All of the stress of being the tour guide for the week in PR and when we go to PR, freaky things have to happen to hurt my father. The last time my dad was in PR, we had a bad car accident. These are put together because the last time my father and I were in PR together, he had the terrible experience of seeing, through his rear view mirror, myself, my wife (yes, I took her that time), my daughter, and sister get side swiped by a huge object and spin a few times before we tumbled over. We actually were fine (once again, maybe because my wife was with me), however, it totally freaked my dad out. It has taken me six plus years to get him to go back with me. I truly did feel the pressure of being a good tour guide and fill his dance card with many cool things to do. Plus, my brother was coming. I must admit that I may feel a bit guilty of having more fun then him and wanting him, and his daughter to have a great time. It didn't help that PR had just had a touch of hurricane "someone" and it was still raining hard all the first day and the flooding was so bad that the driving was not easy. Yes, I was the driver. I got a lot of flack for my driving, but I would not have trusted any of those other three behind the wheel in PR -- (driving in PR is another blog, or two!) So ... stressed at being the Cruise Director! I never knew how hard Julie's job was (this is a reference to the show Love Boat, if you get it you must be older than 35). Well, I think I did a fabulous job of being Julie and everyone had a great time. If I hadn't had a seizure on the aircraft, my father would have said it was a great time. Now, all he says is "never again! Never going to PR with Barry!" He had to watch his youngest son shake and twitch and foam at the mouth. He had to, once again, watch his son and wonder if he was going to live or die. That really isn't fair and I feel terrible for it (do I hear another blog topic?!?)

5. Sleeping issues. Not only was I sleeping in different beds, I also received a lot of teasing and nagging from my family members about my sleep patterns (ok, it's called snoring - I snore so bad that the guy at the sleep study actually told me, after sleeping there for the night, "You snore really loud!" Now this was a guy who listens to people sleep for a living, a Professional, and he said that ... that is not good). So ... after sleeping in the same room with me the first night, my father did all he could to sleep on the other side of the house from me for the rest of the trip! I must admit that I was a bit restless for the rest of the trip and was the first up most mornings. I still enjoyed myself and felt good, but I must have been sleep deprived.

6. God's Will. I am a religious man and I actually do think that my Heavenly Father has helped guide my footsteps throughout my life. I know He guided me to His church. I know he guided me to my eternal mate. I know He called me as a bishop. He guided me to my current occupation and job situation. He has led me on many occasions and in many circumstances. And, when I let Him lead me, my life turns out pretty good. During these times, He has also taught me a lot by giving me trials and tribulation along the way. I'm a visual learner, so He teaches me how to do things by showing me! When I was putting in my papers to go on a mission, I busted up my ankle - I was a silly 18 year old and tried to walk on it too early and was reinjuring it. Then, I somehow busted a plastic piece in a pool and it cut my foot so bad that I couldn't use my leg for a few weeks, in which time, the ankle had time to heal. Coincidence, maybe!?! Now ... the problem with this trial is that I may not know for years how this problem will benefit and make me grow. What is God's Will?

7. God's Will II. Yes, there is a part two - or just a continuation of part I. While I was in the hospital, they did find a pituitary mass. They say that it had nothing to do with the seizure, however, without the seizure, they would not have done a CT scan and found the mass. Finding and fixing this mass could help me get healthier and live a longer/better life in the long run. Coincidence, maybe!?! However, ...

8. The stress of coming back to a lot of problems. Not only was I coming back to a wife that I didn't take, I also had 30+ clients to see for the week, starting Monday morning. I had over 10 potential new clients that I needed to call back (why that is a stress might show up on another blog). I left my wife with all of the problems of starting school with the boys, without me. I was bringing an illegal avocado and two grapefruits in my carry on (part of my payment to my wife for leaving her!)

So, although I'm sure I could continue, this is a potential list of reasons why my body felt the need to shut down and reboot (wait, maybe ...) It might be something else, or a combination of two, or all, of these issues. Maybe, someday, I'll know a little better why ...

It's a start!

Hello to all that are reading my blog. This is my first attempt at writing, even though I've had books in my head since I was little. I don't know what you are expecting, but I plan on using this as a first stepping stone to writing some articles and maybe actually writing a book. My blogs will range from work (marriage and family therapist), to marriage (25+ years), to family (lots of children, even a grandchild), to many other subjects that just come up as I live my life.